Anything but nothing

Sometimes all you want to do is feel nothing.

That is a lie.

Nothing is a state that no one truly desires; it seems appealing because the something is hard or painful or simply uncomfortable. At this point nothing might be like a lovely warm bath or a good night’s sleep on a soft pillow.

That is a lie.

Nothing is empty and emptiness is often the reason people are longing for nothing.
People want to feel something, just not anything.

So what do I want to feel?
What do you want to feel?

Warmth?

Love?

Excitement?

A gentle touch?

A soft laugh?

Like I’m doing well?

Free?

Full?

Anything but the shadow of the sun.

The place where light radiates in all directions except where I’m standing. Where heat touches all except me. Why do I desire so much and feel so little? It’s like I’m a hot air balloon with the capacity to fly but the air inside me is slowly drowning.

I’m tired of walking with ghosts.

I want to feel.


What do I do when I long to feel something?
What do you do?

Take a risk, a chance, a leap in the night with arms outstretched and mouth wide open? Or return to the place you’ve been a thousand times, left a thousand times, and still go back to because it’s safe.

That's a lie.

Fear drives us down so that we enclose around ourselves, suffocating the light, leaving only the cold dark. Leaving us always longing and never finding.

Why?

We never look in the right place. We never stray far enough from our own stained pit to grasp hold of the beauty that we long to drink deep of. We stay away from the light like a rat in a sewer, hurt embracing our bruised eyes.

Yet there is hope.

There is always hope for those who are brave enough to seek it. I know because I have it, I taste it, I daily, drink deep. I did not feel because I did not seek the source.

That’s not a lie.

So obvious and yet missed by most.
Missed by me … almost.